Against her wishes, Nicole defiantly takes on the task of following instructions for cooking a Thanksgiving turkey. After tons of butter and several glasses of wine, will she be pleased with the final results? - - Yes. Looks like I'm cooking a turkey today. I've only had to cook the turkey for Thanksgiving, twice. Do I have to follow this recipe? - [Woman] Yeah. - I can't just do it my way? Alright. Where am I going to put this? I guess I need a cutting board. Ok. Be right back. So, in here you find all your prizes. Eww. Oh it says three tablespoons of butter. That's not nearly enough. If we're gonna do it we're just gonna do it. - [Woman] Why does the butter go under the skin? - Just to keep the breast meat moist. Those are two words you don't really like on the internet. As much attention as the turkey is given. The turkey is a little bit overrated. I don't think it's the star of the show. I prefer canned cranberry sauce. Nice and sliced. That's the second time I've washed my hands. And I'll probably have to do it three more times before it actually makes it to the oven. And I'm gonna be real embarrassed if this comes out looking like the one on Christmas Vacation. Classic herbs here. Parsley, sage, thyme. And I do have thyme for that today. This recipe calls for six sage leaves. I'm not going to be counting those. We're just gonna put some of this, some of this. Okay, so maybe this is a little more work then I remembered it being. Because we all know we only make a turkey once a year. I've gotta go wash my hands again. It's already been like 30 minutes and I haven't even made it to the oven yet. Okay, we're going in. Onion, herbs, just shove them on in there. In goes our little baby. First round of sanitation. Don't let it get on the bird here. Store bought is sounding real good. Okay, so we're going to cook it at 450 for 30 minutes then reduce it to 325 for another 2 1/2 hours, basting every 20 minutes. That's not gonna happen. - [Woman] So you're just not gonna baste it? - I don't know, I'm gonna play that by ear. Maybe we'll Google it. I'll be back. This is for the gravy they tell me. Not just for the gravy. You're not gonna need whole bottle for the gravy. Don't spend the whole day cooking. No need to stress. I am not basting that thing every 20 minutes. And here's why. #1, I don't have time for that. Kids are going to be running around. There are other dishes to be cooked. There's football to be watched. There's cards to be played. And there's cocktails to be at. #2, because I don't think it needs it. I'm going to still get a juicy turkey with crispy skin on the outside. And #3, because nobody's gonna eat the daggum thing anyway. Everybody's gonna get a courtesy slice of turkey to put on their plate. But everybody is there for the sides, including me. Looky here, looky here. That's a pretty bird if you ask me. Let's hope it's done. Oh good, a whole tray of more juice. I mean why wouldn't you want to do this? - [Woman] Are you gonna add the wine? - My recipe doesn't call for wine. Wouldn't want to waste it in a gravy. Skimming the fat. Not the most glamorous of tasks. But that right there is liquid gold. If I'm going through the trouble of making this turkey, everybody else who's coming over better take care of everything else. Done. I really don't want to carve this. And as a matter of fact, if it was at my house I would not be carving this. I go get my husband, who's been able to sit his butt on the sofa all day. He gets to carve the turkey, and then clean all the pans. Dishes. Let's not forget the big ass turkey platter. This is the part where you usually realize that it's not all the way done. So now that you've let all the juices out, then you're like "Oh crap, I gotta put it back in the oven." It does look raw. - [Woman] Really? - Yeah. It doesn't feel undercooked. This is why buying just that turkey breast is easier. It's cleaner. You don't have to be ashamed. Here's your struggle. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm probably pissing America off right now. Washing my hands. But I went the wrong way. Washing my hands. The struggle is real. Call now people. Call now and preorder your turkey. Or go out to eat. This kind of sucks. I did not let me turkey rest long enough. I'm grateful for my mom, and my mother in law who have made the turkey all these years. At this point I'm a little mad at the turkey, honestly. It's done nothing but take up room in my refrigerator for six days while it thawed out then it took up all the space in the oven so I couldn't cook anything else. Hell, you've spent $15 on herbs. May as well use them all and cover up all your mistakes. Just get over the fact that it's not gonna look like what's on the cover of the magazines. That's not real life. Pretty boring. It'll taste a whole lot better tomorrow on the sandwich. Roast a Thanksgiving Turkey Like a Pro
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November 06, 2017

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