Just in time for Father’s Day.

By Tim Nelson
June 07, 2019
Whataburger

The fast food chain Whataburger is as Texan as a ten-gallon hat or an oversized belt buckle. It engenders state pride in a way that no other fast food chain can (except for maybe In-n-Out).

So if you’re scrambling to find the perfect gift for a Texan (or Texas-sympathizer) dad or grad in your life, look no further than the new and surprisingly extensive line of Whataburger merch that just hit their online “Whatastore.” They range from the practical and tasty to absurd and even vaguely threatening.

The first notable item is a pair of Whataburger running shoes that seem to be specifically designed for the needs of Beto O’Rourke. Looking similar to a pair of Saucony or New Balance sneakers and sporting the iconic W alongside orange and white striping, these fit the Whataburger aesthetic to a T. Your dad will want to do much more than just mow the lawn in these.

Speaking of dad activities, the Whataburger “Sportula” seems like an essential gift for grill masters. If he’s planning on cooking something that’s not on the Whataburger menu (or on some sort of misguided quest to prove he can grill a better patty himself), this is the ultimate charcoal or propane grill accessory.

Next, we move on to man cave decor. Even the burliest dads need a pillow every now and then, and this set, made to look like packets of Whataburger’s fancy and spicy ketchup, is definitely the coolest gift you can buy that says “potassium sorbate” on it. The key to a perfect man cave is setting the tone before any potential burger-eating, beer-swilling guest crosses the threshold. By that metric, a “you better have Whataburger” doormat is indispensable: it sets the expectation that other neighborhood dads must come bearing tribute if they expect to be welcomed in the man cave, lest they incur the wrath of a hangry Texan who may or may not be armed.

And of course, both dads and grads inevitably encounter occasions that require formal attire. Why not spice things up with a fun-yet-funky Whataburger bowtie, or a set of bright orange argyle socks? It’s a surefire way to stand out at the next christening or wedding.

That’s only scratching the surface. There are plenty of Whataburger hats, glasses, t-shirts, and even condiments to choose from. Is this an attempt to open up a new revenue stream at a time when the chain might be up for sale? Maybe! But even still, there’s no denying that the Whataburger lover in your life would be thrilled to be gifted anything (well, except maybe the socks) they’ve got. What a store, indeed.  

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