What is the Green Stuff on the Snapchat Hot Dog?
In a recent update to the ever-popular photo-sharing app, Snapchat has gifted its users with an animated, dancing hot dog feature, thus making my personal hell into an inescapable daily reality. There is no food that I have come to despise quite like these faux-meat encasings of LIES, so to be subjected to a headphone-adorned version of one break-dancing all over my friends’ pictures and videos is intensely triggering to me. Of all dancing foods, WHY this one, Snapchat?!
Despite my severe disdain for Snapchat’s particular choice in the food item they would select for this hilarious update, my biggest source of disappointment is not the hot dog itself, but rather, the ambiguous green stuff that’s between the bun and the dog. I! HAVE! SO! MANY! QUESTIONS! Is that… lettuce? I mean, it just, can’t be. People who have distorted ideas of what tastes good and what does not have been known to sub greens in place of bread, but never in my life have I witnessed somebody be so bold as to wrap up a wiener with a leaf of lettuce… and then, proceed to put it in a bun. As if the trauma of consuming a hot dog were not enough for me, the idea of cleverly sliding a fibrous, leafy layer into the situation is just wrong. The day that I see a lettuce-wrapped hot dog is the day I convince myself that the demise of civilization has begun.
My next inclination as to what this mystery layer might be is that maybe it’s some sort of pickle relish. For those that choose to subject themselves to the horror of consuming a hot dog, this is a perfectly acceptable and common condiment. However, if it is in fact supposed to be relish, then why is it not beside the adjacent yellow and red squiggles denoting mustard and ketchup, respectively? What monster would smear one condiment across the bun, while daintily painting the other two atop the meat? That seems nonsensical on so many levels.
Am I the only one that is hung up on this basic design flaw? There is no denying that this little animated friend of ours is adorable as ever (as much as it pains me to say that), but I knew there was something suspect about him the moment he first came dancing across my screen. I appreciate that the designers so subtly transformed the bun to look like a stylish coat-like item around the body of the dog, but the green lining just isn’t doing it for me. From a culinary perspective, it is mind-boggling, and something that I will continue to try to wrap my head (and bun?) around.