“Spike the halls” with twelve cans of carbonated booze.

By Tim Nelson
September 25, 2019
Give Them Beer

You better not pout. You better not cry. You better not drink beer, I’m telling you. Why? Spiked seltzer advent calendars are coming to town.

Yes, this Hard Seltzer advent calendar is realer than Santa Claus and tastier than a lump of coal. This dream object, brewed up by Give Them Beer, packages twelve different “curated hard seltzers from the best brands in the U.S” into one festive package, with each can of hard seltzer is hidden behind twelve different doors adorned by holiday-themed phrases like “spike the halls”.

From the looks of one photo on the product page, it seems like you’re getting at least one White Claw, two Trulys, a Bud Rita Sangria Spritz, a Bon & Viv, and some other spiked stuff you may or may not have tried. The product listing describes these offerings as “12 of the best rated hard seltzers of 2019,” though it’s unclear what sort of authority on spiked seltzer is doling out these ratings.

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If a Secret Santa gift (for yourself or even another person) like this sounds too good to be true, in a sense it sort of is. This collection of twelve holiday-themed hidden hard seltzers will set you back $59, which is like getting one twelve-pack for the price of four if you go by White Claw prices

But thrifty boozing isn’t the ultimate point of the hard seltzer advent calendar. It’s about spreading some gluten-free, boozy cheer. This advent calendar will surely make drinking a summery spiked seltzer on a dark Monday in December seem not depressing, but festive. And I think we could all use a little more carbonated water and malt liquor this holiday season.  

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