It weighs three pounds!

By Tim Nelson
September 20, 2019
Oat_Phawat/Getty Images

You can buy all sorts of unexpectedly large, cheap, and downright strange food items at big box retailers, and Sam’s Club is no exception. Now, the company that brought you a massive $600 floating picnic table comes a massive culinary creation that combines pretty much all of the comfort foods you could ever need in one convenient package.

It’s called the Member’s Mark Chicken Bite Pizza, and the damn thing weighs in at a whopping three pounds for a 14” x 14” take-and-bake pie. In addition to three different cheese on this bad boy (mozzarella, cheddar, and “cheesy sauce”, according to a product description), you’re getting “homestyle breaded white meat chicken bites” on top of this thing. Think of it as an order of chicken nuggets or tendies on top of an existing pizza, saving you from the indignity of having to eat your chicken and your pizza separately. It’s basically “football: the meal."

Watch: Sam's Club Has Copycat Chick Fil-A Sandwich and We Reviewed It

I know I’ve mentioned it already, but I don’t think you’ve fully processed just how much pizza three pounds of pizza actually is. For comparison, the heaviest Domino’s pizza is somewhere in the neighborhood of 1,000 grams (or about 34 ounces) before toppings. This thing weighs nearly three quarters of a pound more than that. And given that this thing retails for $9.98, you can bet it’s a better deal. You’re deprived of the pizza tracker (since you’re baking it yourself), but that’s a small price to pay for glory.

So if you have a group of ravenous children or a man cave to feed, look no further than this burly behemoth. The sheer sight of this absolute unit of a pizza, adorned in chicken, will probably sate even the strongest hunger. 

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