Starburst Minis Now Available in Pink-Only Variety
Like many candies that come in assorted flavors, Starbursts teach us a valuable life lesson: even if you don’t like what you’re dealing with right now, the prospect of something better is always right around the corner.
Unfortunately, that’s not the case with what seems to be the brand’s latest offering. Reports are swirling that Starburst Minis, the smaller, unwrapped, bagged edition of the colorful candy we know and love, is now available in a limited-edition pink only bag. Freedom of choice is an illusion. We live in a deterministic universe governed only by the logic of cruelty, sinners in the hands of an angry god.
For those keeping score at home, pink starburst is supposed to represent “strawberry” as a flavor. According to some very unscientific rankings, people without good sense regard it as the best flavor. This is a patently false statement, and I shudder to think that I live in a world where down is up. Who hurt these people?
Still, there must be enough demand for it: not only do all-pink Starburst Minis now exist, last year saw the launch of a limited edition set of (regular-sized, wrapped) all-pink starbursts as well. It doesn’t seem like other flavors have gotten the official solo spotlight treatment from Starburst, but luckily there is a black market for such things.
Thankfully, evidence suggests that the all-pink aberration has been contained to Walgreens, at least so far. It’s unclear at the moment if this will remain the case or not. For those with more sensible tastes but not the time to unwrap Starbursts like a normal, patient person, original, sour, and FaveREDS (which at least have the dignity to mix in pink with other similar colors) Minis.
So buy them if you have horrible taste. Or don’t. I don’t really care. Just don’t try to convince me that the most repulsive Starburst flavor is actually the best.