You Can Now Buy 60-Ounce Pouches of Malibu Rum Cocktails
Ready-to-serve rum cocktails, now in bagged form.
Are normal canned or bottled alcoholic beverages not giving you the same thrill they used to? Have you ever held a bag of wine aloft and thought “the malleable shape of this drinking vessel is great, but I wish there was liquor in here”? Do you love Malibu rum?
If you answered yes to all three of those questions, then get ready for the most delightful and debauched product launch of the summer: Malibu rum cocktail pouches. Each comes with a nozzle capable of pouring out 1.75 liters (nearly 60 fluid ounces) of pre-mixed rum cocktails. They’re essentially Capri Suns for (ir)responsible adults, just without those sweet illustrations of people windsurfing or whatever.
Watch: How to Make 5 La Croix Cocktails
These hefty pouches come in four tropical flavors, which are perfect given that these things were made to be consumed outside. There’s a rum punch that melds Malibu’s coconut-forward flavor with mango, orange, pineapple, and cranberry. Then, a classic lime and coconut daiquiri. The “twist” in pineapple twist seems to be the addition of blackberry, and blue Hawaiian incorporates pineapple, orange, and cherry. Each are 12.5% ABV, since giving people easy access to 1.75 liters of very portable rum probably isn’t the best idea.
Overall, though, something like this definitely makes sense. At this time of year, people are desperate for anything light, sweet, and refreshing that they can bring to the beach. A big ol’ pouch of cocktails fits that vibe perfectly, and seems like a refreshing change of pace from omnipresent spiked seltzer. So if you can only pack one bag that’ll take you on a trip to a tropical paradise this summer, make it this one.