Even worse than spilling Dunkin’

By Tim Nelson
Updated December 19, 2019
Credit: Buy New England Lobster

For those outside of New England, the city of Boston is a town full of thickly-accented longshoremen who’d trade their only begotten son for a handshake from Tom Brady. One look at its sleek seaport and army of vest-wearing consultants is enough to reveal that depiction as an outdated caricature. But sometimes, life in Boston imitates art in a way that sends Ben Affleck sprinting for a laptop.

Blood was boiling at Buy New England Lobsters earlier this week after a thief from South Boston stole a box truck containing $10,000 of fresh, local lobster bound for Europe. Shortly after the Southie thief absconded with his contraband crustaceans, wicked pissed employees of the Charlestown, Massachusetts, wholesaler jumped into a lobster truck of their own and quickly gave chase.

The Buy New England Lobster crew caught up to the man with the purloined lobster half a mile down the road, at which choice the cornered thief refused to stop but instead deliberately crashed the stolen truck into the second box truck,” according to a BPD report. “The employees of the lobster company were able to detain the suspect until police arrived on scene.collide with the second lobster truck.” Sources cannot confirm whether or not anyone named Sully, Donny, or Fitzy wept once they saw what happened.

Luckily, those involved in the incident (perhaps with the exception of the suspect now in custody) possessed a certain sense of humor and degree of self-awareness about the incident. “It’s probably the most Boston thing that’s ever happened,” Buy New England Lobster’s sales and marketing manager Peter Lagorio said in a phone interview with Boston Magazine. “It was a very Boston experience for everyone involved.”

So for all the work Bostonians have done to update their image, all it takes is two lobster trucks colliding with each other in the middle of the night to undo years of polish. Maybe next week a lobster in a Celtics jacket will emerge from the harbor and demand tickets to a House of Pain concert. After this story, you can’t quite rule it out just yet.