The Spicy Condiment That Made its Way Into My Heart and Finally, My Home
I love three things in this world dearly, and in this order: My dog Lucy (see below and add her adorable face to your list of loved things too!), Taco Bell Fire Sauce, and Frank’s RedHot Sauce. The latter is the sauce that lives in a bottle in my fridge and the former is in tiny packets that I hoard each time I make a visit to my local Taco Bell drive-thru. The Fire Sauce, in its tiny packets are a treat reserved from those rare Taco Bell journeys. As an adult, I cannot bring myself to eat Taco Bell as frequently as I would like to, so the Fire Sauce is a treasured gift that I receive by begging the cashier to give me as many sauce packets as they are legally allowed to give me before charging extra.
But one fateful day I was roaming through my Neighborhood Walmart, grocery list in hand. Top of the list: Frank’s RedHot—because I was out, and “I put that s%!t on EVERYTHING.” It was highly critical that I restock my hot sauce, as I had suffered through almost 3 days of bland, flavorless, hot sauce-less meals. I had completely depleted my stash of tiny packets of Fire Sauce and one really large bottle of Frank’s. Thus, it was imperative that I refill my hot sauce supply the only way I know how, without going through Taco Bell. And then, it happened.
As I reach for that familiar bottle of Frank’s, up on the shelf… I see it, TACO BELL FIRE SAUCE. There it was in front of my unbelieving eyes… in a bottle… in a store… a food store that is not a Taco Bell. Seeing this sauce, which formerly existed only within the confines of tiny plastic packets (at least to my knowledge, I’m not typically checking for new friends on the hot sauce shelf)* out in the wild, in a glass bottle for a mere $1.34, was exasperatingly exciting. Hyperbole? No way, I told you guys. Three things: Dog, Taco Bell Fire Sauce, and then Frank’s RedHot.
Now, these 7.5-ounce bottles are not as large as a the largest available Frank’s RedHot, so I had to buy a few (five bottles to be exact) to compensate. So now that Taco Bell Fire Sauce is in my home, where it belongs; I eat even less actual Taco Bell, and to be honest, pretty much no Frank’s RedHot. Which means I now have room to love something else as much as I love my dog and Fire Sauce. Any suggestions? … Actually, it’s probably Target now that I think about it.
*Further research revealed that bottled Taco Bell Fire Sauce has been available in stores since 2014, but that does not make my own discovery three years later any less meaningful or exhilerating.