The Taco Cleanse: Our New [and Only] Favorite Tortilla-Based Diet
It's almost beach season so that means everyone and their mother is jumping on the cleansing train. But if you're tired of trying diet after diet only to be left unsatisfied, then this newest tortilla-based cleanse may be your answer.
Created by taco scientists based in Austin, Texas, The Taco Cleanse is a diet book for people freaking tired of diet books. The foreword lets you know how much the authors
disdain really care about modern cleanses, "Screw those last five pounds; your body clearly wants the extra chub if the only way to get rid of it is drinking juice made of lawn clippings, hot sauce, and your own choked-down vomit."
What makes The Taco Cleanse so different from other diet revamp books, besides their tongue-in-cheek approach, is their dedication to delicious [vegan] food, not guilting readers for the current state of their bodies, and the sprinkles of encouraging phrases throughout the book:
Beyond a diversity of dope taco recipes, this dietary self-help manual offers numerous other wisdom-filled chapters likely to contribute towards your general well-being--like the supplements recipes (i.e. margaritas) and a guide to taco yoga (including poses such as "avocado pit" and "en fuego pose").
Earlier this month, I decided to accept the challenge and participate in The Taco Cleanse for five days. I made my grocery list, bought an amount of tortillas that prompted the cashier girl to ask if I was having a taco party, and headed home to delve into recipes carefully crafted to make me glow and experience "higher vibrations."
For breakfast on the first morning of my cleanse, I enjoyed the Wake and Shake Scramble Tacos; and through Cholula-coated bites I thought, "Oh, I've totally got this. Five days on tacos will nothing." The tofu scramble was filling, flavorful, and can easily be made ahead to simply reheat in the morning.
So as to not immediately burn myself out on pepper-filled tacos, I packed my lunchbox with "fish" tacos. I cooked a Gardein Fishless Filet and used the book's recipe for Tartar Sauce and Bright Light Baja Slaw. The slaw had a mild citrusy flavor that complimented the heavier seasoned sauce quite nicely.
Two days in, a bottle of hot sauce became commonplace on my work desk.
The problem with tacos is that they get soggy in lunch bags, so I brought items in individual containers and made tacos at my desk. The strong smell of Bulgur Chorizo, sweet potato tots, and jalapeños had me slightly concerned I might become "that girl" in the office... the one known for bringing unpleasantly fragrant foods into a shared work environment. But then... having daily desk fiestas wasn't the worst thing ever.
Surprisingly, I never grew tired of tofu scramble for breakfast as long as I changed up the toppings (especially hot sauce brands) each day.
By about day 4 was when my weariness for the tortilla--both corn and flour--set in. I picked up some romaine hearts and made more veggie-centric tacos like this one with buffalo chickpeas smothered in tofu ranch.
After five days full of spice, veggies, and a boatload of tortillas, I had completed The Taco Cleanse. I'd highly recommend it to those who feel like their life is a dull affair with far too little hot sauce.
Conclusion: Ultimately, I felt invigorated, full of energizing vegan foods, and ready to eat something that wasn't a damn taco.