By Ashley Kappel and Ashley Kappel
Updated April 19, 2016

We all have: Dirty little kitchen secrets. I'm not talking about gross sponges and spotty glasses; I'm talking about the indulgences we don't even share with our spouse. If you've ever snuck a gummy snack in the pantry, grabbed a spoonful of cookie dough at midnight, or decided that pizza is definitely a breakfast food, then you're in good company.

What's mine? When I was a kid, I loved slicing a hot dog down the middle, tucking in a slice of American cheese, and microwaving until melty. Repeat as needed.

This hilarious confessional thread on Reddit helped us find our people. Come on in, the water's warm.

First lesson? Instant mashed potatoes are back, baby.

A specific brand sold at Costco, Idahoan, took the lead as the favorite.

And just like that, everyone found their people:

Leftover mashed potatoes? Not a problem. Make a mashed potato sandwich and watch your insides weep.

Want to make one at home? Make this one instead.

Kraft Mac & Cheese also had the loyal following. So loyal, in fact, that we couldn't actually post the comments. People loved them so much their filters fell off and, well, here's a taste:

When the box alone won't cut it, add pizazz. Or SPAM.

And, obvi, Ramen.

But then, someone took it to the next level: Raw Ramen, like DIY potato chips.

Our sodium levels quake with sympathy pains. But apparently eating raw noodles is a thing, and not just a thing likely to cut your gums into pieces.

But then, we actually learned something. Did you ever make cinnamon-sugar toast? Toast bread, add butter, top with cinnamon and sugar, then inhale? Or, if you're someplace fancy with a bread basket, butter roll, add sugar packets (only the brown natural ones) and eat. Did it ever occur to us to caramelize them in the oven. Um, no. Where you have been, Redditors?

And then we got all the feels.

Until one Redditor showed us all. Three-ingredient chocolate bread? Yes!

More bread love, but with (what else?) spray butter.

Obviously, canned cheese showed up.

Our secret indulgence? Cookie skillets.

This one was personal for me. My dad used to eat rolled up baloney by the package. He was partial to the fat free kind, which made me really wonder what was in it.

Luckily, a philosophical Redditor brought us back to center.

Beverages had their own moment.

Then they almost broke us...

Before giving us #squadgoals...

And making us appreciate the dinners we never had to eat.

Luckily, the tapestry of foods is broad and beautiful, and allows for fun melting pot experiences.

And speaking of comfort food.