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There’s clearly one right answer here.

Corey Williams
November 21, 2018

In today’s crazy world, it’s comforting to know that some things are what they are, make sense, and are non-negotiable: Water is wet, the sky is blue, cakes are cakes, and pies are pies. Right? WRONG.

Yesterday, I was a generally happy, content person who understood these things to be true.

Today, I’m a confused, broken shell of the woman I once was. I’ve realized that cheesecake is not actually a cake, and nothing makes sense anymore. I trust no one.

WATCH: How to Make Almond Joy Cheesecake

I know this revelation is bound to ruffle some feathers, so hear me out:

Push your feelings aside for a minute. Now ask yourself, “What exactly is a cheesecake?”

If you answered “custard in a crust,” congratulations, you’re right. Also, that’s a pie. You just described a pie.

But it’s called “cheesecake,” so shouldn’t we all just accept the name as fact and move on? Sure, if you like lying to yourself.

In an effort to simultaneously confirm my beliefs and ruin everyone’s Thanksgivings, I took this debate to the MyRecipes and Cooking Light staffs.

Some stubborn folks remain in the “cheesecake is a cake” camp.

One editor pointed out that, according to Wikipedia, the ancient Greeks considered cheesecake a cake.

“I’m sticking with cake, using the tautological argument that cake is defined as things that are called ‘cake,’” he says.

Others were more blunt with their beliefs.

“It's a cake you f00ls,” one Team Cake staff member wrote in our shared online chat.

While those are both valid arguments, I stand firm in my own. If it walks like a bird and talks like a bird, it’s not a cake.

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