Survival Recipes for the Zombie Apocalypse
The time to prepare for the coming of the undead is now, not when you have brain-munchers ravaging your door. We’ve got recipes that will help you keep your head, literally.
The dead are rising, so it's time to put the finishing touches on your zombie apocalypse survival kit. While a flashlight, batteries, and water are important, we have some suggestions you may have left off your list.
The Ultimate S'more
You might need a fire for survival, so why not have a s’more for dessert? Not to mention marshmallows have an unusually long shelf life. Survival Tip: Go with the quick-burn method of toasting your marshmallow so that you can snuff the flames out quickly; no need to attract attention with that low-and-slow approach.
Tuna Tortas with Pico de Gallo
If you’re afraid the fire will elicit an unexpected attack, try this no-cook recipe starring the ubiquitous non-perishable, canned tuna. Survival Tip: Make sure your disaster preparedness kit has a can opener, but try to find a really old one so that you get weapon-ready jagged edges on the lid of the can.
Leave a pie plate of this pasta goodness on your front steps as a first-level of zombie defense. When they stop to inspect the noodles for brains, escape out the back door. Survival Tip: If you still think zombies moan “brains, brains” as they seek out prey, you’ve been watching too many 1950’s era movies. However, do keep an ear out, figuratively of course, for heavy drooling.
Anchovy Fries with Smoked Paprika Aioli
Anchovies are a highly salted fish, meaning they will preserve well in a post-zombie apocalypse. Survival Tip: A light fry in a skillet transforms the flavor of these pint-size fish, so technically they can be called fish sticks.
Easy Baked Fish Fillets
So let’s face it, zombies probably can’t swim. Hit the water for a fabulous (zombie-free) fish dinner. Survival Tip: If you’re lucky enough to be searching for fellow survivors in a car instead of on-foot, include worth-the-weight waders in your survival stash; they’ll allow you to fish in relative safety as well as provide an additional layer of defense.
Freshly Canned Tuna
You’ve probably put some canned tuna in that apocalypse preparation kit. Pull it out for a quick, protein-rich dinner… you’ll need your energy for unexpected attacks. Survival Tip: If you’re far enough ahead in the preparation game to can your own tuna, consider opening a store and selling your superior kits to other would-be survivors. The time to corner the market is now!
King Ranch Chicken Mac and Cheese
While garlic works on vampires, zombies are another story. This mac and cheese cooks up in a cast iron skillet, which will keep you well-fed and with-weapon. Survival Tip: Typically you don’t wash cast iron with soap; however, should you use your weapon to bludgeon a zombie, give it a hearty dose of cleaner before making your next batch of mac and cheese.
Dump the chips (hello, they crunch!) and use the bags to keep your dinner with you on the run. Survival Tip: When you catch a zombie drooling over your friend, rattle your bag ever so slightly. Zombies, while technically living and dead, are highly distractible.
Save this one for a last resort, because Twinkies never go bad. Ok, they do go bad, but it takes a little while. Try this tiramisu for a long-lasting delicious dessert. Survival Tip: Use this recipe when the war recedes and you can claim a plot of land and a cow, which would be a big help with the whipped cream. Invite other survivors. Establish a government. Find someone who remembers how electricity works.