What I Would Cook for "The Rock" to Congratulate Him on Being The Sexiest Man Alive
I understand that distinguished actor/former WWE champion/Canadian citizenship-holder Dwayne Johnson (a.k.a. The Rock) has a seemingly committed girlfriend. But he also has a voice of velvet, muscles for days, and the smile of a thousand rays of light--and I am only human. Even if he’s not exactly your “type,” I think we can all agree here that that this man is fine as hell. Which is why it comes as no surprise whatsoever that People would call him out as this year’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” and that I would want to make him a little congratulatory meal. Nothing too fancy, just something to say, “Hey, nice job on being really hot.” I show affection and admiration for everyone in my life by feeding them. And if The Rock were to somehow find his way into my life within the next few hours, this is what I would cook to pay homage to his great achievement and universally applauded attractiveness. Eh, who am I kidding, I might put The Scorpion King on and cook all of this tonight anyway.
We would start off with an elegant appetizer, Oysters with Pink Peppercorn Mignonette arranged artfully over rock salt. I'd also mix up a couple of Country Boys on the Rocks for us to wash down our shellfish, and prompt a natural transition into a highly amusing conversation about my southern heritage. I feel like Dwayne's the type of person who is going to find it really adorable when I say "ya'll."
We're going to stick with seafood for our entree to honor ma boy's island roots, so Rock Cod Veracruzana it is! And even though this dish is served over rice, I think we should also have a side of Rock Salt-Roasted Potatoes because I know that the sexiest man alive needs plenty of carbohydrates to fuel his sexiest man alive lifestyle.
Should Dwayne happen upon this article at any point in the coming weeks, just know, the offer for a congratulatory dinner stands--solid as a rock.