It's the next logical step in Amazon's domination
Now that it's been announced that Amazon bought Whole Foods for $13.7 billion, it's only a matter of time until the online delivery giant announces the next big thing: Whole Foods drone deliveries. It's honestly the next logical step. And sure, there will probably be an extra fee for your order of drone-delivered groceries—it's still Whole Foods, after all—but the convenience would be unparalleled. Just think about all of the Whole Foods gems you could have air-dropped via drone, straight into your perfectly lit, modern kitchen with unstained marble countertops!
If you're having a hard time imagining this not-too-distant semi-dystopian reality into which we're entering, don't worry. Here are some of the Whole Foods groceries that we're most excited to have delivered straight to our always Instagram-ready smart homes by Amazon drones.
Artisanal, Ethically Sourced Bags of Local Ice
Sometimes you forget to refill the ice cube tray in your pastel green Smeg refrigerator that looks like it's from an episode of I Love Lucy but actually cost you $1,999 at West Elm, not including delivery. It happens to the best of us! But there's no need to traverse down from your penthouse apartment to get grimy, street ice when you can get the finest, ethically sourced bags of ice from your local aquifer.
Eating kale is so passé, especially when you can decorate with it. (My florist tells me ornamental kale goes great with air plants.)
Cage-Free, Pastured Eggs from Jason, the Urban Farmer Who Lives Three Blocks Away
It's really the most efficient way to get local eggs without the inconvenience of talking with your neighbors. Just be wary of broken eggs upon drone delivery, which can get a little bumpy up in the sky.
Because by the time we get Whole Foods drone delivery, the world will have almost run out of avocados, and we'll be force to cut our guacamole with other leafy vegetables.
Hot Bar Medley
Now you can have the experience of feeling confused and overwhelmed by the varied yet limited selection of hot food at Whole Foods by letting a drone pick your dinner. With this new food-recognition technology, a drone will pick the food that it thinks you might be excited to eat for dinner that night, based on a scan of your eyeballs and X-ray of your stomach.
For those times when putting three stalks of asparagus in your own bottle of water is just too much, you know?