How to Make It
Preheat the oven to 400°F. Stop. This is spicy, and eating spicy foods before bed makes my dreams super crazy. Either way, go for it, but when you get in bed, after you turn off the light, think really hard about my face while you fall asleep. Then, in the morning, send me an e-mail at email@example.com and tell me what I did in your dream. I bet it was awesome!!! (Part of being a good therapist is dream analysis.)
Crack the eggs into a blender and puree on the lowest setting until the eggs are totally uniform. This is the only “secret” to making scrambled eggs. I am too stupid to know why, but for some reason, when the whites and yolks are completely mixed together, your scrambled eggs will taste better than if they are only partially mixed with a fork. I think it’s that the uniformity in protein composition allows the eggs to cook more evenly and gives you a much smoother texture or some other stupid thing like that. They are so delicious, people will ask if you put milk or cheese in them, and you will say, “No,” and they will respect you for it but will still be a little dubious.
Preheat the oven to 400°F.
Slice the jalapeños into 1/8-inch disks, on a mandoline if you have one. Otherwise do it carefully by hand.