Prepare your body
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and children of all ages, your wrestling wishes have come true. Last week, the WWE introduced Booty-O's cereal, based on the popular booty-centric catchphrases of the trombone-wielding wrestling stable, the New Day. The cereal, which will be sold at f.y.e. locations throughout the country, boasts a "recommended daily value of Positivity, Unicorn Magic, and Trombone music!" as well as marshmallows shaped like booty crowns, unicorn horns, and rainbow hearts. This is a major upgrade to the last box of Booty-O's, which only contained a (non-edible) tee shirt. That's hardly part of a balanced breakfast.
Confused about Booty-O's? No problem. Let's get up to speed. The New Day, which debuted in 2014, was collectively named "WWE Wrestler of the Year" by Rolling Stone in 2015. Their schtick is all about positivity—good vibes, upbeat attitudes, and yes, even a bit of trombone-playing. Their main gag revolves around things being "booty," or junk. They'll mock opponents for being booty, and frequently tease their host cities (like Birmingham, which they rechristened as "Bootyham") during bouts. But above all else, the New Day crew is about being eccentric, joyful, and even a bit unicorn-obsessed.
So it makes sense that the trio introduced Booty-O's cereal earlier this year as a joke, claiming that the cereal would "make sure you ain't booty." They even came out of a giant Booty-O's cereal box as part of their entrance for WrestleMania 32 in April (dressed like DragonBall-Z characters, no less).
Although the entrance made for one hell of a cereal commercial, actual boxes of the good stuff go on sale August 5. It might be too early to get an official verdict on whether or not you might want to eat Booty-O's, a few intrepid reviewers have offered their two cents on YouTube. User DenkOps posted a thorough assessment of Booty-O's, making sure to highlight the cut-out Booticorn mask on the back of the box. He's one of the lucky few who received the first ten boxes of Booty-O's for review ahead of their release later this week.
So things are looking good for Booty-O's. So if you want to make sure you're not booty (by, paradoxically, eating Booty-O's), make sure you get this cereal ASAP. Otherwise you risk being a jabroni. And in that case, we can't help you here.