The Best Freakouts from the Chick-fil-A Spicy Chicken Biscuit Fiasco
"I feel violated ... why would they do this to me??"
As sure as the sun rises in the morning, the internet has found another thing to get #outraged about. The latest cause? Word that the Chick-fil-A Spicy Chicken Biscuit will be no more. The breakfast item, which was much less healthy than delicious, made way for the healthier "Egg White Grill." Doesn't that sound way better than a Spicy Chicken Biscuit? I didn't think so either. But since this is 2016 and we don't have anything bigger to worry about, the internet collectively lost its mind at the first Chik-fil-A menu change in six years. These are indeed some dark days.
And for Chik-fil-A Spicy Chicken Biscuit aficionados, the judgments were swift, harsh, and mostly hyperbolic. The 450-calorie chicken biscuit bomb is, understandably, a favorite for many Chik-fil-A patrons. But unlike most of us, Chik-fil-A hasn't completely given up on fighting the United States' obesity epidemic. The Egg White Grill is a relatively more modest 300 calories per serving, featuring grilled (not fried) chicken, egg whites, and American cheese on an English muffin. That combo doesn't sound too bad, but of course, change is a scary thing. That, and fried chicken beats the chicken-size pants off of grilled chicken any day of the week.
David Farmer, Vice President of Chick-Fil-A, said in a press release that the company “[...] tested the Egg White Grill in select markets across the country, including our busiest restaurants in Manhattan, and our customers gave us great feedback. The Egg White Grill is the perfect solution for our health-conscious customers looking for a grab-and-go breakfast.”
Customers immediately protested the death of the Chik-fil-A Spicy Chicken Biscuit on the company's Facebook page. Crockett Gambrel, one of the many commenters on the fiery (too soon?) Facebook thread, said, "I feel violated. I have been stopping at Chick-fil-A at least two or three times a week for years. I alternated between spicy chicken biscuits, and spicy chicken burritos, but my store has tossed both of them. Why would they do this to me??"
And Chik-fil-A didn't just get an earful on Facebook, either. Twitter was also abuzz with ire. Reactions ranged from mild irritation to existential dread. But that probably doesn't come as much of a surprise. One Spicy Chicken Biscuit faithful even promised his vote to whomever could bring back the menu item. Your move, Jill Stein.
Derivations of the phrase "egg white bullshit" made enough appearances to make your personal trainer blush.
One Chik-fil-A truther urged the internet to dig a little deeper (#wakeupsheeple).
And others might need someone to check in on them, because we're a bit worried about them here at Extra Crispy HQ.
But as any therapist will tell you, it's important to do something productive with your grief. And that's just what one enterprising YouTube videographer did, creating a video tribute to the Chik-fil-A Spicy Chicken Biscuit. And if you think about it, this is really the only fitting send-off short of a viking funeral in a parking lot puddle.
The Chik-fil-A Spicy Chicken Biscuit might be gone, but it's far from forgotten. Maybe if we band together and use our democracy as it was intended (i.e. a Change.org petition, naturally), we can resurrect this breakfast giant one day. After all, this country was founded on audacious ideas by dreamers.