What kind of breakfast experience do you want to have? Want something nutritious that fuels you up for the day ahead? Something saccharine that conjures memories of childhood nostalgia? Or are you a masochist who needs to suffer in order to harden yourself before heading out into a cruel world?
If you fall into the last category: rejoice, for there is now a breakfast cereal specifically calibrated to satisfy your bizarre urges. Post has confirmed the existence of Sour Patch Kids cereal, the only offering in their product line specifically designed to make your face pucker. Rumors of the cereal first swirled late last month, when an Instagram post (which seems to be the de facto method for leaking new cereal concepts) by Candyhunting first teased its existence a week before Halloween. Its existence was later corroborated by sports and food business nerd Darren Rovell via Twitter, who regards the cereal’s release as inevitable.
Visually identical to the acidic, anthropomorphized candy you know and love (or loathe), the Sour Patch Kids cereal box promises that the cereal is “sour, then sweet,” because you have to at least promise that the experience of eating this will be pleasurable at some point. It’s hard to tell, but it looks like flavors like blue raspberry and watermelon will be in there.
Based on recent precedent, the collaboration probably didn’t arise from an explicit, unrelenting desire to make us suffer. It’s actually the latest facet of a partnership between Post and Sour Patch Kid parent company Mondelez. It’s certainly a far cry from their comparatively straightforward Oreo, Chips Ahoy!, and Nutter Butter co-branded cereals, if only because of where a bowl of this stuff lands on the pH scale.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), it doesn’t look like is easy to find… yet. Cerealously, a blog run by someone who seems to know and care a lot about these sorts of things, hasn’t been able to track down a box. There don’t seem to be any reports of people finding this in the wild on social media yet, either.
So go ahead and hunt down Sour Patch Kids cereal if you dare. I personally believe it’s a harbinger of the apocalypse, if only because the idea of slurping tangy cereal milk doesn’t sound anything close to appealing. But if eating the cereal version of a movie theater candy brings you joy, far be it from me to stop you.