Thanks, Jimmy Dean
Growing up in my family, sausage was a staple of breakfast on Christmas morning. Maybe it was the joy that came from opening gifts or its place as a meaty accessory to quiche, but somehow those sausage patties always taste better than they would on any of the other 364 days of the year.
If you want to make the succulent aroma of sausage part of your holiday celebration but spent the night before getting lit like a Christmas tree, fear not: the brain geniuses at Jimmy Dean have invented wrapping paper that (they claim) smells just like the brand’s sausages— no cooking required. And you can get it for free. All you have to do is cook one of Jimmy Dean's featured sausage recipes, submit a picture of the dish to jimmydeangiftexchange.com, and select a gift. It’s basically like Instagram, but instead of likes you get your choice of pork-themed gift (while supplies last).
Indeed, the sausage-scented wrapping paper is just one of several gift options that Jimmy Dean wants to give loyal customers with this holiday season. Also available are gold ornaments shaped like a package of sausage, a “handsome holiday apron,” and vinyl copies of the 1965 holiday album Jimmy Dean’s Christmas Card (a real recording from the sausage king himself). One lucky sausage stan will get a replica gold and diamond-encrusted Jimmy Dean belt buckle, perfect for proving you’re the king of pork products and you demand respect.
So if you have to disappoint a friend or loved one by getting them a pair of socks or the physical copy of a book they already read on their Kindle, at least swaddle that gift in Jimmy Dean sausage-scented wrapping paper. After all, just because a gift is disappointing doesn’t mean it should smell like disappointment.