PHOTO BY ANNIE MOLE VIA FLICKR

Like, if that's your bag

Tim Nelson
September 21, 2018

When it comes to breakfast (for non-vegans, at least), eggs are a pretty appealing option. Not only are they relatively cheap, one can prepare eggs in a variety of ways, all of which are simple to manage for anyone with even a modicum of kitchen skills. They’ve served a useful dietary purpose in their basic shelled form for thousands of years.

But what if one supermarket chain was just crazy enough to disrupt the concept of eggs as we know it for almost no justifiable reason? Well, dear reader, that’s exactly what just happened. British budget supermarket Iceland (a confusing name inspired by the fact that they play Bjork while you shop or something) recently released their own “Ready Scrambled Egg,” a food item that seems both deviously clever and maddeningly useless at the same time. (It should be noted that many readymade products that might seem wasteful to some are actually a godsend for people with physical disabilities, but this does not seem to be part of Iceland's stated marketing strategy.)

On paper, the Ready Scrambled Egg is a monument to inefficiency. It boasts a retail price of £1.5 (just under $2) for a 250 gram serving, which Iceland says is equal to four eggs. The catch is that’s actually 50 pence more than what half a dozen “traditional” eggs would go for at most big-time British supermarkets. It also takes 90 seconds to heat up the dish in a microwave. If done properly, scrambling ‘eggs 1.0’ in a microwave can take as little as 30 seconds.

Despite all that, Iceland insists there’s a real market for their product. In essence, it’s aimed at those who don’t have the free time (dubious), cooking skills, and access to traditional eggs. Based on a 1,000 person survey Iceland conducted, that would be the 13 percent of students who don’t know how to scramble an egg, and the 46 percent of office workers who can’t scramble eggs at work but still want to make their workplace smell kind of weird.

In the modern world, if a product seems so frivolous that it couldn’t possibly exist, it probably does. The culinary world is no exception. If the Ready Scramble takes off, we’re probably less than a year away from widespread sales of instant water.

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