Don't get any big ideas
You had the best of intentions. You wanted to change your life for the better, seeing as 2016 never found a way to kill you off despite every heart attack-inducing headline it threw at you. But in the nascent hours of 2017, you haven't managed to stay on track of your resolutions. It's not your fault: it's simply time to consider your second-tier New Year's resolutions, and how to get a real, sensible plan together for being less of a tire fire in the new year. Thankfully, the garbage humans here at Extra Crispy are ready, willing, and able to help you become your... well... better self.
The real problem isn't that you're a garbage human (I assume), but that you simply set your sights too high. The reason why resolutions fail actually stems from multiple sources: we either make resolutions for ourselves because we're not really ready to makes (thus giving us an "out" until January 1), take on too many challenges at once (good luck going to the gym and quitting smoking at the same time), or simply bite off more than we can chew (you're not going to learn Finnish in six months). In reality, we need to make a series of small, accomplishable changes that we're actually ready to tackle. Even the most garbagey person can reach a modified, Plan B resolution with the right amount of sensible changes.