Panera

Double the carbs, double the fun

Tim Nelson
July 31, 2018

For years now, Panera has staked out a reputation as a major player in the fast casual carbohydrate delivery space. But at a time when everyone’s terrified of gluten, what are the folks who brought bread bowls to America’s strip malls supposed to do? The answer: double down.

This week, the disruptors who work at what I can only assume is Panera’s wonderfully smelling R&D bakery have unleashed a new innovation perfect for multitaskers and fans of food that you can use to eat other foods: the Double Bread Bowl. Shaped like an oblong baguette rather than a circle, this baby is designed to hold any combination of Panera’s soups and mac & cheeses, offering you the chance to eat carbs inside of other carbs.

Set for release on National Friendship Day (August 5th), Panera says the double bread bowl is “ideal for sharing with your BFF, significant other, or even a co-worker.” But let’s be real: you’re taking this bad boy down all by yourself and basking in a strange aura of shame and pride once you’ve finished. I can’t even begin to imagine the awkwardness of sharing this with a coworker unless your company takes an incredibly stingy approach to reimbursing dining expenses.

Perhaps fittingly given the friendship-themed PR pitch, the Double Bread Bowl is set to make its trial run debut in Philadelphia, the city of “Brotherly Love” and prejudiced Starbucks employees. It’ll be available from August 5th through the end of the month, after which point it will either roll out nationwide or die an ignoble death, a sacrifice on the altar of progress towards the most efficient and meta delivery of carbohydrates.

If early online enthusiasm is any indication, though, the Double Bread Bowl should find an adoring audience.

 

So if you happen to live in the part of the country where people drink “wooder,” head on down to your Panera and try this carbception monstrosity. Summer’s pretty much over anyway, so stop pretending like you’re on a diet. The only question is: Is the Double Bread Bowl a sandwich?  

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