They contain no mac and no cheese

By Jeremy Glass
Updated September 27, 2018
Credit: Photo courtesy of Archie McPhee

I feel like this happens every year: A bizarre flavored something is released to the public for the sole reason of causing controversy and sparking conversation. Freshly dropped by Seattle-based purveyors of peculiar treats Archie McPhee, this set of six candy canes boast an “instant mac & cheese flavor” and promises a comfort food experience for patrons whose taste buds have been burned off in a fire.

If you think the party stops at macaroni and cheese, think again. The people at Archie McPhee actually have a whole line of strange candy cane flavors, including bacon, pickle, rotisserie chicken, and Clamdy Canes. For those curious, yes, those are candy canes that taste like clam.

When reaching out to Archie McPhee to get the downlow on these cheesy canes, we were told that this particular line sells “extremely well” and gets its unique flavor from—wait for it: “sugar, water, corn syrup, artificial cheese flavor.”

Regardless of the fact that these mac and cheese candy canes are remarkably free of mac or cheese, they’re sure to cause a stir with the older relatives who like their beer cold, their genders clearly defined, and their candy canes peppermint-flavored, god damn it!

This year, let us embrace Weird Christmas and marvel in the holiday that the internet created through the release of this unsettling holiday rap, a $65 blazer that’s covered in Christmas lights, a totally chill Rudolph “Mankini,” and candy canes that taste like pasta.