Costco’s beer finally gets the commercial it deserves
Credit: Image via YouTube

Anyone who knows anyone with a Costco membership knows that Kirkland is one of the most far-reaching and enigmatic brands in modern capitalist society. How, pray tell, can a single company offer consumers dress shirts, toilet paper, and beer? We may not be able to answer that question, but at least intrepid internet hero Randy Colpek has stepped up to help Kirkland sell their beer.

This week, Randy took to Reddit to share a series of “outtakes” for what he claims was a rejected commercial for Kirkland Light, the signature Costco beer that only comes in 48 packs and hopefully tastes different than drinking a pair of Kirkland Signature brand jeans would. Bursting through a wall of Kirkland Light 48 packs like an out of work Kool-Aid Man, an inebriated-looking Colpek delivers marketing slogans like “Kirkland Light: it’s 11 AM somewhere” and “Kirkland Light: it’s got 30 percent less calories so you can drink twice as much” in between arguments with ‘Brandi’, his neighbors and the makeshift crew.

In addition to a range of NSFW marketing slogans that wouldn’t make their way into any lame copywriter’s pitches, Randy serves up existential musings such as “life is like beer: drink it in and piss it out.” That’s the kind of cold-hard truth you can only find at the bottom of a beer that’s only “available in 48 packs where you buy your pants.”

Given that Colpek claims to drink 18 Kirkland Lights a day 5 days a week “on average” (claiming him to wonder if Costco sells livers in bulk), the commercial was likely inspired by brand loyalty, an abundance of empty cases, and a stroke of drunken genius. With Costco’s decision to reject Randy’s ad, 48 packs of Kirkland Light— which BeerAdvocate members have spotted for as low as $9.97— will have to continue to sell themselves.

Regardless, Randy’s work belongs in the fake beer commercial hall of fame right next to Schmitts Gay Beer and that fake PBR ad from nine years ago. I salute Mr. Colpek’s entrepreneurial spirit, and will most definitely be cracking open a cold one in his honor after my next Costco run. Randy Colpek’s Kirkland Light ads: at least he didn’t say “Dilly Dilly.”