Take that, Sam-I-Am
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green eggs and spam
Credit: Photo by dlerick via Getty Images

I don’t really like ham for breakfast unless it’s in loaf form. Slicing and cubing that chunk of processed pork product gives me a sense of satisfaction, similar to cutting tofu or fudge. In fact, while I loved reading Green Eggs and Ham as a kid, I sympathized with the unnamed character who wasn’t interested in the dish. Of course he didn’t like green eggs and ham—that giant cone-shaped hunk of pork looks seriously overwhelming. He’d probably need a hacksaw to get through it. I wondered why Sam-I-Am wasn’t offering the eggs with Spam or Taylor ham. Green eggs and Spam (or Taylor ham) sounds wonderful, so I’m going to tell you how to make it.

Wash about ½ bunch of curly green kale. Finely chop the greens and set them aside.

Although Spam and Taylor ham are already fully cooked, they get way more exciting when they're a little crispy, (seriously, what doesn’t?) so the meat is going to get a quick pan fry. Heat a medium nonstick pan greased with a slick of olive oil over medium heat. Grab a chunk of Spam or Taylor ham and dice the meat into small cubes until you have about ⅓ or ½ cup.

Toss the diced ham into the pan and saute until the meat is brown and crispy. Spoon the meat out onto a paper towel-lined plate and set aside. Wipe out the pan, leaving it on the stove.

Crack 3 eggs into a medium bowl and mix with a fork or a whisk until completely blended. Season with salt and pepper. If you have any furikake, toss 2 teaspoons into the mixture and whisk to combine.

Heat the pan over medium and toss in a knob of butter or splash of olive oil. Pour in the egg mixture, and scramble by stirring with a silicone spatula while shaking the pan.

Turn down the heat to low and stir in ½ cup grated Gruyere cheese and the chopped kale. Continue to scramble the egg mixture until the eggs are almost firm enough to your liking. Just before the eggs look done, stir in the sauteed ham and pour out onto a plate.

Finish green eggs and Spam with ¼ cup finely chopped parsley.