You'd be relieved to be her, too

By Brian O'Connor
Updated February 13, 2018
EC: Hillary Clinton's Solo Breakfast Isn't Sad, It's Zen
Credit: Photo by Scott Olson via Getty Images

Earlier this morning, Mediaite published a story about a sad-looking Hillary Clinton eating breakfast at a table by herself at a New York resort. This photo of Hillary Clinton eating breakfast by herself is the latest in a series of candid photographs of losing candidates doing normal human things post-election (Mitt Romney pumping gas, anyone?) and "looking sad."

Clinton has been laying low since she garnered 2.8 million more votes than Donald Trump and still lost due to archaic, antiquated electoral laws that give underpopulated states an outsized influence on national politics. She's been hiking trails in Westchester County, NY, browsing books in a Rhode Island bookstore, and doing anything and everything that doesn't involve provoking China on Twitter, inviting boxing promoter-cum-human sideshow Don King to Mar-a-Lago, and making even the most strident "deplorable" wonder if they made a yuge mistake in November.

In other words, Hillary Clinton isn't having a sad breakfast. She's pretty damn zen, actually. For the first time in her public life, she doesn't have to deal with people scrutinizing her appearance, the tone of her voice, her husband's infidelities, or accusing her of being a part of some bizarre child trafficking scheme that is about as well thought out as a screen door on a submarine. By not winning the election, Hillary Clinton dodged a bullet.

Think about it for a second: if Barack Obama can't get any credit for creating the biggest manufacturing job boom since the 1990s, presiding over record-breaking sales in the U.S. automotive industry, spurring a surge in clean energy production, cutting unemployment by half, overseeing a tripling of the stock market's value, and killing Osama bin Laden, then Hillary Clinton wouldn't fare any better. She's been attacked relentlessly by Republicans since the 1990s for not being a subservient wife, a docile First Lady, for having the audacity to become an accomplished politician, and for merely existing. If anything, the Republican strategy of opposing every single atom of Barack Obama's existence was just the second iteration of its anti-Hillary strategy from decades past. And if it helped stymie Obama's success, it would all but cripple Clinton's ability to accomplish anything.

But beyond personal politics, Clinton would have to grapple with an all-Republican Congress (which worked out dandy for Obama), a permanently blocked appointment to the Supreme Court (thanks for putting the country first, Paul Ryan!), and a populace that creates its political opinions based on what a cartoon frog tells them to think—that is, when they're not trawling their Facebook feed for pro-Trump propaganda published by fake news sites based in Yakistonia.

Looking further afield, Clinton isn't going to have to get crapped on for international crises, either. She won't be crucified for making tough choices in Syria that are all but inevitable, now that Vladimir Putin and his Pomeranian lapdog called Bashar al-Assad have successfully squashed the country's rebellion under the false premise of fighting terrorism. She won't have to deal with the fact that the United Kingdom has lost its freaking mind by leaving the European Union—let alone the popularity of pseudo-fascist nationalism in Europe. She won't have to deal with the rise of Russia, which threatens Eastern Europe's security as well as the western liberal order (which is still the saddest thing to have died in an already tragedy-filled 2016). Clinton would have gotten dumped on for trying to staunch the bleeding from all of the world's self-inflicted wounds—even if no one else seems willing to step up and try something themselves.

Instead of having to appeal to the part of the country that wants to see monster truck derbies on the Great Lawn, thinks assault rifles make for great wall decor, and would love to have Ted Nugent be the ambassador to Switzerland, Clinton can enjoy a nice breakfast in the Mohonk Preserve. She can go for long walks in the woods and escape from the blatant money-grab happening in Trump's cabinet. She can watch the Republican party finally get what it wanted: to watch the country burn for no apparent reason. And if that's what we're in store for, I'm happy to pay her bill for toast and eggs, which are most definitely sunny-side up.