Unleash your inner dirtbag

bacon football super bowl hero
Credit: Photo by Alex Tepper

By the Monday after the Super Bowl, when your veins are essentially flowing with queso and cheap beer and you’ve called in sick to work, you’re bound to reminisce on all the weird foods to ate the day before. In my house, Super Bowl Sunday isn’t so much about the sports game as it is the meal. And you know what makes for a slammin’ Super Bowl feast? Brunch foods. They’re meaty. They’re doughy. They’re cheese and/or cream sauce-covered. These dishes want to soak up alcohol, ensuring that tomorrow’s hangover will be slightly less terrible. And if not, well, I already mentioned that sick day.

You’re going to want food, but you may not want to spend all day in the kitchen. Here’s your strategy: one big pot of Texas Red Chili, cornbread (from a boxed mix is fine, but if you made a batch of brown butter cornmeal muffins no one will be mad), and snacks galore.

While you’re slicing and dicing chili components, allow me to suggest you start the day with a classic brunch drink, the humble Bloody Mary (extra points if you make it with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, though I’d also understand if you prefer to get in some vegetables before game time with this green juice bloody). I would also accept a classic or green Michelada as your starter cocktail.

green michelada video hero
Credit: Photo by Kelsey Hansen

If tomato juice-based drinks aren’t your thing, you can just pound a beer or two, because you’ll soon switch to Jungle Juice mimosas.

It’s around this time you’ll start to get hungry, but as we’ve already established, the chili is your only big project today. Instead, you’re going to dump things onto a sheet tray. This means frozen bagel bites, pigs in a blanket, or taquitos. If you’re interested in more work, pour a bag of frozen fries onto a tray and then cover them with red eye gravy and fried eggs for breakfast disco fries, or unleash the family-sized bag of Tostitos and ready a tray of nachos.

breakfast disco fries video hero

If you’re hosting a lot—like, more than 10—very hungry people, I recommend you text a friend to bring a dirtbag casserole of sorts. Velveeta Chex Mix chilaquiles perhaps? Pizza Roll lasagna? Normal lasagna will also probably be well-received at this type of event, especially if you don’t want people throwing up in your bathroom from too much imitation cheese by 7pm.

EC: Velveeta Chex Mix Nacho Dirtbag Casserole Is the Half-Assed Chilaquiles You Deserve
Credit: Photos by Teresa Sabga

Looking for just one more dip situation? OK, so, make queso! Used canned tomatoes with chiles and buy more chips than you think you need.

Eat your chili and muffins. Drink more beers. Watch sports if you feel the need.

By the end of the night, someone is bound to have room for dessert, and to fill that void look no further than brownie-filled doughnut holes. And then go straight to bed.