Short fingers, big bills
EC: Donald Trump Tips $83 on Coffee and Pastries, Does Not Redeem Self
Credit: Photo by Chip Somodevilla via Getty Images

Can of Easy Cheese and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has spent the summer running a campaign that's somehow both vitriolic and eerily reminiscent of how a 12-year-old might assume politics work in the real world. And yet he has managed to insult almost every woman in the United States, consume dangerously large amounts of fast food, make Mar-a-Lago into a place that people actually know about, and turn a cartoon frog into a Nazi. Oh, and he's managed to have words like sleazy, loser, and illegals enter the lexicon of a person whom we'd trust to oversee the United States' nuclear arsenal. Sad!

And yet, Donald Trump's tip of $83 on a few coffees and pastries at a Cuban cafe in Miami made waves today—presumably to offset Trump's 3 a.m. Twitter rampage where he both slut- and fat-shamed former Miss Universe Alicia Machado. But before launching another salvo against his own electoral capability, the country's favorite short-fingered vulgarian bought snacks at Versailles Restaurant, a staple of Miami's Cuban culture. According to Eater, Trump bought Cuban coffee, ham croquettes, and guava pastries. A quick look at the Versailles menu suggests that Trump's bill came out to just over nine dollars, meaning his $83 tip was absolutely, positively not a pandering attempt to look like less of a cheapskate who has been accused of not paying contractors, misusing charitable contributions, and dodging taxes for years.

So not only does this mojanetago off on Twitter rampages, fail to prepare for debates that help determine the most important job in the country, and screw over little people constantly, but he also has the gall to go into a Cuban restaurant and use it as the backdrop of a crass, obvious attempt to curry favor with people he has vilified throughout his campaign. It's no secret that Trump's popularity with Latinos is even worse than his abuse of thesauruses (braggadocious? Really?). So his utter lack of subtlety here is even worse than if he had done nothing at all to reach out to Miami's Cuban community.

Whether or not you're a politician, simple common sense dictates that you can't make obvious, pandering gestures to make up for severe and systemic personality flaws. That's just not how the world works—that's not how human beings interact with one another. You can leave all of the big, flashy tips you want. You can sip as much Cuban coffee as your bladder can stand. If you're a morally bankrupt person, no amount of breakfast can redeem you.