Photo via @USCPSC

The sharp tchotchke was cutting people and has been recalled

Mike Pomranz
October 11, 2018

Food recalls have become so annoyingly commonplace that sometimes they’re hard to even care about. Over 6 million pounds of ground beef have been recalled? Whatever, guess I’ll just stick to chicken for a while. So there’s nothing initially strange that, this week, Cracker Barrel had to recall a bunch of pineapples. But this story comes with an odd twist—because these pineapples are made of wood.

In an announcement made on the United States Consumer Product Safety Commission website, Cracker Barrel Old Country Store recalled about 1,500 decorative pineapples because they pose a laceration hazard. The pineapples were made of driftwood and sold in the adjacent knick-knack shop. That said, it’s not the driftwood, which forms the body of the fake pineapples, that’s the issue. Instead, it’s the fake leaves above. “The metal leaves on top of the pineapples have sharp edges, posing a laceration hazard,” the recall states. “Cracker Barrel Old Country Store has received two reports of consumers cutting their fingers on the metal leaves on the pineapples, resulting in one injury that required stitches.”

Setting aside the irony that a fake pineapple is somehow more likely to hurt you than a real pineapple—one of the world’s deadliest fruits (or at least one of the spikiest)—the recall suggests that if you did happen to grab one of these decorative items, you “should immediately stop using” it and return it to Cracker Barrel for a full refund. Exactly how you’re “using” it isn’t clear: I guess you need to stop letting it be decorative. Maybe just throw a blanket over it for the time being.

Possibly the most stunning realization in this entire recall is that enough of these decorative pineapples were sold to need a recall at all. The approximately 19-inch high and 10-inch diameter pineapples were apparently sold nationwide from June to August of this year for about $40 a pop. Granted, I’m no professional woodworker, but when I hear “driftwood,” I’m thinking free wood someone found on the beach. Paying $40 for some of it that could slice open your hand doesn't seem like the wisest investment.

You May Like