The future is so bright we are already eating cake to celebrate it

EC: Chocolate Cake Is the Best Breakfast Trend of 2017
Credit: Photo by Flickr user Daniel Huizinga

Look, I like to think I keep it very real on this website, so believe you me when I say the last thing I thought I’d ever call myself is a trendsetter. But Monday morning The Independent announced that chocolate cake was about be 2017’s hottest new breakfast food, and I can tell you with completely certainty that I have never been so ahead of the curve. While this is certainly good news, I’m not jumping up and down on my chair. Are we all supposed to pretend this is something we’ve never tried before?

This prediction comes from Liz Moscow, who is the culinary director at Sterling-Rice Group, an advertising firm based in Boulder, Colorado. They work with clients like Wendy’s, Annie’s, and Quaker, so when they say chocolate cake will be showing up as an “amuse-bouche” on breakfast menus in the coming months, I’m inclined to believe them.

“Ah yes,” I say, halfway through unwrapping the foil from around leftover cake from last night’s birthday party. “I can’t wait to begin doing that. In 2017, for the first time I will eat cake in the morning. I wonder if chocolate cake tastes different in the morning? I do not know, for I have never eaten it then.”

Whatever, we’ve clearly all had dessert for breakfast, because some breakfast dishes are already basically just dessert: pancakes, waffles, muffins. The addition of a dessert menu to breakfast and brunch establishments is basically asking “Would you like some cake to wash down your cake?”

But sure, I’ll play dumb. Tell me, why now? Apparently, because of some extreme back-bending that purports chocolate cake as kind of a healthy option, as long as you selectively think about it. For instance, The Independent cites two recent studies that reveal some health benefits to eating cocoa. A Maine-Syracuse Longitudinal Study linked the food to cognitive function, while a study conducted by Tel Aviv University found that eating chocolate for breakfast could aid weight loss because it reduces cravings.

But, as anyone (everyone) who has already had chocolate cake for breakfast can tell you, it usually results in the need for an 11 a.m. nap once you come down from the sugar high. But it’s no better or worse than anything else you’d be getting from a breakfast restaurant, so come 2017, go nuts. Or, pro tip: just do it tomorrow.