For $33, you can salt your driveway with Maldon, Scrooge McDuck-style

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Credit: Courtesy of Amazon

Are you amused by buying things in bulk? Like a six-pound tub of Nutella, or a five-pound bag of gummy bears? It's true that things of seemingly inappropriate size are funny. Like super tiny kitchens or kitchens that are far too large for use by humans. It's also true that if there's something that you use a lot in a kitchen, there is probably an option to buy it in industrial quantities. After all, that's what restaurants do. You'll find so many things that are larger or smaller than what you'd use in your home kitchen in a restaurant supply store.

So perhaps it will not surprise you that you can buy a three-pound bucket of Maldon salt, the fanciest of salts, on Amazon. People who love food are very invested in salt, and for good reason. Salt is basically why anything tastes like anything. It makes food taste more like itself. A good finishing salt, like Maldon, adds just the right amount of saltiness and crunch to anything that calls for it. Maldon is excellent, for example, on brownies and cookies of all kinds. It's fabulous on salad. A little sprinkling to finish off a dish really adds that extra something. Its shape, which is a pyramid, allows it to spread the saltiness out a bit, as opposed to the concentrated salty punch of table salt. It's an ingredient that professional cooks tend to use sparingly, since it's much more expensive than regular kosher salt. You wouldn't, say, salt pasta water with Maldon, because it would be like using this $60 butter to coat a pan for baking.

I mean, at least you normally wouldn't. But if you have three pounds of Maldon you could get a little nuts. The reviews of the bucket are a mixture of odes to salt—"after years of buying fancy fleurs de sel, and other saline esoterica, I ran across the happy pyramids, and fell in love"—and questions about using Maldon in your hot tub. (No one's going to stop you?) This would also be a good gag gift that is actually very useful, like sending 20 pounds of rainbow sprinkles to someone's desk. And if they get mad, you could say "don't get salty about it" and laugh all the way home.