Photo by Sammy Nickalls

Because your coworkers always take all the best ones

Sammy Nickalls
May 16, 2018

Every Monday is Bagel Monday in my office. By around 9:30 a.m., several boxes of fresh bagels magically appear in the center kitchen. (I mean, I assume someone puts them there, but it still feels like magic every time.)

I could write a novel on why the egg bagel is the best bagel of all time, but 95% of the time, all the egg bagels are gone by the time I get there. And often, many of the everything bagels are gone, too. Rather than spend Sunday night sleeping in the kitchen to nab the very first, perfect bagel, I’ve found a hack that is slightly less insane, but still weird enough that I wait until everyone else has left the vicinity.

It’s totally worth it. Anything to make a [insert your least favorite flavor here] bagel taste better.

You see, everything bagels leave havoc in their wake. The more seeds and seasoning is on it, the more it’ll leave behind. And because there’s always a designated “station” where folks cut their bagels, there’s always a battlefield of lost seeds separated from their bagels, destined to be thrown in the trash.

Photo by Sammy Nickalls

Whether those seeds count themselves as saved because they avoided being eaten, or rejected because they didn’t get to fulfill their one life’s purpose, I’ll never know. But nevertheless, I collect them on a separate plate as my bagel toasts.

Obviously, I know I can’t simply put the seeds on a boring old bagel and hope they stick. I’m no wizard. The key is in the topping. When the bagel is done, I add a generous schmear of cream cheese to both sides. Then, I flip each half over and press them, cream cheese-side down, into the seeds.

Photo by Sammy Nickalls

There are always a few particularly persnickety seeds left over that I sprinkle lovingly onto the cream cheese, and voila: an everything bagel, no matter what kind of bagel I'm left with. And trust me: Everything seeds make every flavor taste better, including cinnamon raisin and blueberry.

If you’re not lucky enough to have an Office Pool of Rejected Seeds to harvest from, don’t fret. You can still transform your crappy office bagel into the breakfast of your dreams. It’ll just cost you a little bit. Trader Joe’s sells Everything But the Bagel Sesame Seasoning, which is exactly what it sounds like: a shaker filled with those wonderful seeds that make everything better. All you have to do is sprinkle them liberally on your preferred topping, and you’ll jazz up your boring old bagel in no time.


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