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We're gonna need a bigger car for all that citrus

December 12, 2018

Food crimes are rampant all years. There are frauds perpetuated on consumers, large shipments stolen, and that horrifying time that Australian strawberries all seemed to be contaiminated with needles. And crime, as McGruff the Crime Dog has told us, is no laughing matter. Except...when it kind of is? I mean, the news is hard these days. If it's not a horrible natural disaster wreaking havoc on one corner of the country and reminding us all about ever-worsening climate destruction, it's a mass shooting. It's hard to look at the news some days. So when a news story strikes me as hilarious instead of heartbreaking, I hold on to that. 

Thus was the case in the theft of 4,000 kilos of oranges in Seville, Spain in January of this year. A married couple and their three adult sons (yes actually) driving a van and a car were pulled over after a short chase with the police, only to reveal hundred and hundred of pounds of loose citrus rolling around in the car. I mean, look at this picture and tell me that this isn't the plot of an episode of Arrested Development somehow: 

It's comical. Of course, the motivations behind crimes like these (poverty, capitalism's slow erosion of social infrastructure) are not funny, they are sad. But having way too many oranges roll out of a car after a police chase? That's funny. That is a funny fruit interaction. I think about it a lot. So many oranges! What is the black market for oranges like? It's wild. Thanks, 2018, for having one absurd news story that didn't signal the imminent demise of civilization. 

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