Artisanal Brunch Bingo
$4 avocado, right this way
It’s Sunday, 11 a.m., and here you are again: stuck in what feels like the world’s longest brunch line. Why are you here? You do it for the Instagram, maybe. Or you do it on behalf of your #squad. Or you do it because you want a bloody mary, dammit, made for you by someone else, and it better be unabashedly insane and delivered to your table with great fanfare.
And for these desperate times, you may need something to pass the time. Gather 'round, brave and patient brunch goers, and feast your eyes on Extra Crispy's Artisanal Brunch Bingo.
It seems likely that a few of these boxes will be immediately checked off: the wait, for instance, and almost definitely the stroller. But as you get a closer look, you’ll check off others: you’ll see the hungover soul wearing sunglasses inside, nursing a cocktail in one hand and his gluten-free breakfast sandwich in the other. You’ll see a girl wearing one of those floppy felt hats that no one should be able to pull off, staging the perfect Instagram starring a personal French press and a succulent. You’ll hear the loud bark of a tiny dog in a giant bag underneath a fighting couple’s table.
So when your avocado toast—topped with an egg and heirloom tomatoes, of course—finally arrives, you can know you have accomplished something. You can take a sip of your fresh-squeezed orange juice and sigh: Bingo.