Come with me if you want to lunch

By Tim Nelson
Updated November 16, 2018
Credit: Photo courtesy of Arby's

Arby’s has been doing this a lot this year, and they're not slowing down just because we're coming to the end of 2018. Now, Arby’s is giving you a sandwich whose single imperative is travelling back through time to raise your LDL cholesterol before you’re even born. It’s called the Arbynator. Much like the T-1000, it’ll liquefy your insides.

The star of the show here is the curly fries, drizzled in an oozy cheddar cheese sauce. No longer will today’s busy office worker lose precious seconds of productivity reaching for curly fries inches away from their sandwich. Arby’s, ever the disruptor, closes that gap so that we may achieve lunch singularity, elevating us to a higher plane of cheddar-soaked consciousness. There’s roast beef, ketchup, and “Horsey Sauce” in there too.

According to a press release, the Arbynator is available in three models. The classic Arbynator has a reasonable amount of roast beef. The double Arbynator has—get this— twice the amount of roast beef. And, in a shocking move, the half-pound Arbynator has half a pound of roast beef in it. That’s half a pound more of Arby’s roast beef than I have eaten over the course of my entire life.

To its credit, this thing looks safer to eat than other sandwiches Arby’s has pumped out in the recent past. For all the tough talk its name implies, the Arbynator doesn’t pile on the excess of the Bourbon BBQ Triple Stack, and I certainly trust them to do a better job with their signature roast beef than I would with duck.

So if you’ve ever wanted to eat a sandwich that could pass for an entire meal, now’s your time to shine. The only question left is this: Are these the only “Arbynator” sandwiches that will be released, or will there be a sequel that involves reprogramming an old Arby’s sandwich into something that’s actually healthy for you? Maybe if enough people eat the Arbynator, it will alter our timeline and make that happen.