Achieve Peak America With These Red White and Blue Pie Waffles
As american as berry, cherry, and apple pie
There’s an unwritten rule that all foods consumed on the Fourth of July should be red, white, and blue. I have a general rule that any time a person can eat pie in the summer, they should. On this Fourth of July, we shall combine a breakfast classic with the traditional summer dessert to get red, white, and blue waffles. A hot summer day requires energy that only waffles can provide, but dealing with opinionated family members at a crowded beach, pool, or barbecue on Independence Day requires pie, and lots of it. So go forth and scoop out the filling of three unassuming pies, stir it into batter, and make waffles—just like the Founding Fathers, right?
Find yourself a few slices each of a cherry (or raspberry, if you’re lucky), apple, and blueberry pie. Some grocery stores actually sell half pies, so that’s the most respectable way to go about this. However, you could also casually hit up the dessert table of every Fourth of July barbecue on your block. Pretend you were invited and saunter up to the dessert table. Serve yourself 2 pieces of pie, walk over to an area where you won’t be noticed, and scoop the slices into the plastic container you’ve stashed in your backpack. Immediately run to the next barbecue in the area. Enterprising!
On your way home, pull out your phone and set an alarm to call your senators tomorrow morning to leave a message about some issues that matter to you. Our representatives are here for a reason, not just to bore us on CSPAN.
Once you’ve procured the pie slices, head back to your kitchen. Scoop the fillings from each type of pie into three separate bowls, saving the crusts for a snack.
As you eat the pie-scooped crust, check out today’s headlines in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Knowing cold, hard facts can help you facilitate productive discussion during uncomfortable conversations with potentially alternatively-informed family members at summer gatherings.
Assemble your preferred waffle recipe. A really good American would probably make a batch of Jackie Kennedy’s waffle batter, but it’s a free country. At the end of the recipe, divide the batter into three bowls. Fold ½ cup cherry pie filling into one bowl, apple into the next, and blueberry into the last bowl until just barely combined. It’s okay, if not prettier, if there are a few swirls of filling as opposed to a homogenized pale blue or red waffle.
Open your laptop and see what’s happening on the website of an organization that is interested in supporting the future of all Americans, regardless of their gender, race, or class. Maybe consider making a quick donation. Now that’s patriotic!
Heat a waffle iron, then drop on a mound of cherry pie batter (each iron typically recommends a different amount, so read the directions!) Cook until the waffle is crisp and golden brown. Repeat with the apple and blueberry batters. Serve red, white, and blue pie waffles smeared with more pie filling, a handful of fresh versions of the fruits used, maple syrup, and yogurt or whipped cream.