How to Make It
Cut butter into a cold skillet and heat to medium-high. The amount of butter should be proportional to your emotional need. Whir eggs (see butter quantity) in a blender or food processor until the mixture is aerated and uniform.
Pour eggs into the heated pan, shake occasionally, then once the edges have begun to solidify pour all the Doritos crumbs and shards into the pan, spreading them as evenly as possible. If need be, crush some larger chips. This thing is all about texture.
Once it’s all thickened up a bit more, dot the surface with pimento cheese, let it start to melt, and then flip or roll the omelet, depending on your personal preference. Serve it on a bed of Doritos with a side of multivitamins. Repeat as needed. Then vote. (Only do that once.)