We're mere weeks away from the most epic binge session of the year. And I'm not talking about Thanksgiving.
While many will be preparing leftover turkey sandwiches, spending time with family, and nursing their Black Friday battle scars throughout the day on November 25th, I know I’ll be walking with intention along the inner aisles of the grocery store filling my cart with Pop-Tarts, doughnuts, Red Vines, and frozen pizza. Some will choose to "detox" post-turkey day feasting this year... but others, truly committed fans with rock solid will power and dedication (like myself), will begin the revered diet of the Gilmore Girls.
This is a style of eating that requires patience, stamina, and skills. And it seems like pure fate (or very intelligent scheduling) that the Netflix revival of Gilmore Girls, consisting of four 90-minute episodes, is to fall on the day after Thanksgiving--which is the perfect precursor and warm-up for the binge (-sitting, -watching, and -eating) triathlon that is to take place.
The diet of the Gilmore Girls is an incredibly rich and varied one, and it's not something an amateur can simply walk into. You need to prepare, you must know what you're dealing with and mentally embrace it. Eating like a Gilmore isn't just a diet, it's a lifestyle. And my friends, it's about time to commit.
Season 8 will take us through the 4 seasons of the year (each of which an episode is named for), to give Gilmore fans a glimpse into a full "year in the life" of our favorite ladies--Rory, Lorelai, and Emily. Below, I have outlined all of the foods you will need in order to grub like a Gilmore through the night, broken down by episode.
So grab a large cup of coffee, extra points for a white to-go cup with your hand-drawn version of Luke’s logo on the side. Let’s start with appetizers to get you through the Winter episode. Here the necessities:
- Boxes and boxes of Red Vines. Red Vines, NOT Twizzlers. Lorelai would highly disapprove of such a rookie mistake.
- All the doughnuts. And make sure to follow the Lorelai doughnut selection philosophy:“Good variety, good color, good goodness, good . . . Well, so the choices are there. It all comes down to what I'm in the mood for. Sprinkled or chocolate or jelly or glazed, maple or kiki or apple or, uh, raised. Little donut rhyme there. Never mind. Can I have a chocolate and a sprinkled please?”
- Obviously, boxes of Mallomars. To honor the time Rory spelled out “Happy Birthday Lorelai” with the chocolate-covered marshmallow treats. Because what else would you spell Happy Birthday with???
- Cookie dough. And we’re talking raw, straight of the package--with a spoon if you're feeling fancy.
- To balance out the caffeine, make Miss Patty’s Founder’s Day Punch or Rory’s 21st birthday drink that tastes like “drinking my Little Pony.” Either beverage, proceed with caution. You have a long night ahead.
- Now, it wouldn’t be a Friday night dinner without one of Emily’s specialities: Salmon puffs. These sophisticated snacks are D.A.R.-approved and pair great with side of Twinkies a la Emily. And hey, if you wanna one-up the time Emily had Twinkies made from scratch, a batch of our Twinkie Tiramisu is just what you need (more caffeine!).
As the marathon continues into Spring and Summer, and it’s like we never even left Stars Hollow, we introduce (and devour our way through) the main courses. And it’s not just pizza because, “Are you crazy? You can't watch Willy Wonka [*cough, cough or Gilmore Girls*] without massive amounts of junk food! It's not right. I won't allow it.” Let the snacking continue:
- Pizza has been through it all with the Gilmores. The break-ups, movie nights, first night at college, world-largest pizzas as birthday presents, study sessions, and so much more. Order (or make) a few and you won’t be sorry.
- Burgers and fries (Preferably from Luke’s Diner). Doesn't matter the time of day, for a Gilmore, burgers and fries are the way to go. If lettuce is included on the burger, it’s like you’re basically eating a salad, anyway. As Lorelai would say, “I would like a cheeseburger, with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie.”
- Blueberry Lemon Pancakes. Remember that time when the Inn caught on fire? What saved the day? Not firefighters, but Sookie's famous Blueberry Lemon pancakes. Breakfast for dinner is always acceptable in the Gilmore household.
- Chinese food. Maybe think twice about ordering Chinese food from your local pancake diner, but you can at least pretend it’s from Al’s Pancake World. Orange chicken and a grab bag are required.
The finale has arrived. The cherry on top. Fall is here. Thus, it’s time for dessert. The mealtime mecca of all junk food and where Gilmores shine the brightest. Here we go:
- More candy. Because what would a Gilmore Girl marathon be without it?
- Cake. Whether it’s birthday cake, red velvet cake, or cake from Weston’s, there is always room for cake, in every form. Alternatively, you can just eat frosting by the spoonful, buttercream and chocolate combined for extra points.
- Ice Cream. The other faithful food companion along with pizza that got the Gilmore’s through break-ups, bad grades, and mother-daughter fights. Even though Taylor’s ice cream shop isn’t part of the revival, we highly recommend Ben and Jerry’s--Rory’s favorite.
- Dessert Sushi. When Rory and Logan’s Asia trip is cancelled, Lorelai planned a Pinterest-worthy, Asian-themed party before Pinterest was even cool. We aren’t too sure about the Oreo sashimi with Red Hot wasabi, but what better time to experiment with food than with Lorelai by your side?
- Pudding. Everyone loves pudding, but Lorelai and Rory practically worship pudding. Whether it’s Emily’s fancy Friday night pudding or chocolate plastic-snack cups, it is Gilmore approved: “I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.”
- Pop-tarts. A Gilmore girl marathon would not be complete without the classic frosted toaster pastry. Also, I'm not too sure if these should be considered a dessert or breakfast, which is the perfect way to end this fast-dialogued, junk food-filled marathon where you find yourself still highly caffeinated and delirious in the early hours of the morning. At which point we can say, in true Lorelai fashion, “We’ve been Gilmored,” and couldn’t be happier.