Riddley Gemperlein-Schirm
June 14, 2016

Photo: Getty Images

 

Dear Oreo,

 

Stop it.

 

We attempted to be good-natured, even enthusiastic, about your new flavor releases. Which is challenging, seeing how you release one every other day. We even tried the Filled Cupcake and Lemon Oreos--which, to be honest, kind of sucked. The latter tasted like generic all-purpose cleaner.

 

Despite this, we maintained a graceful face. After all, we grew up with you. And you bill yourself as “Milk’s favorite cookie.” Who are we to go against milk? A few days ago, though, you announced your newest new flavor: cookies and crème. How meta, we thought. It’s an Oreo flavor that’s literally what an Oreo is.

 

Oreo, you’ve taken being a smart-ass to a new level.

Supposedly, cookies and crème will be akin to a traditional Oreo, but with cookie flakes mixed into the cream center--that we're now calling crème. OK Oreo... yes, this is funny. But do you know it's funny? We're scared you don't know that this is funny. And that maybe you're genuinely trying to sell this to consumers as a legitimate, seamless branding move...

Well, we're not buying it. Not as anything other than a joke, anyway. I mean, you're trying to sell us Oreo-flavored Oreos. It’s like calling potato chips “fried potato flavor” (which, for the record, almost happened).

 

But hey Oreo, you know what is actually good? Oreos are. Remember the old times, when there was nothing more than two chocolate wafers sandwiching a sweet frosting filling? Remember the joy on our faces when twisting off the top to reveal the white stark center? It was, as you say, a “Wonderfilled” moment--eclipsed only by dunking the cookie in milk and allowing the wafers to soften to the perfect milk-filled texture.

 

Oreo, we miss the OG you. Will we buy your cookies and crème nonsense? Maybe. But we think this is a hilarious marketing move. It's a total gimmick--but an amusing one. Again, we just hope you know that you are being funny right now... because if anything, we're supporting your brave foray into comedy, not this "new" flavor development.

We leave you with this final endearing thought, Oreo. As you move forward in your self-reinvention endeavors, please to stay true to yourself. Keep in mind--ruses never compare to the real thing.

XO

 

You May Like