When you're waiting in line at 4 a.m. for a TV
On Black Friday, folks stir from their turkey-induced slumbers to wake up early, queue up in line in front of big box stores or at their local malls, and wait patiently until the doors open and then they scramble and tussle and wrestle to get their hands on the next greatest gadget at a fraction of the price. But winning Black Friday means being fueled up for Black Friday—but what, exactly, do you eat on when you're up at 4 a.m. to wait in line to get a brand new T.V.? You've already come this far, so make sure you find success at the sales with these suggestions for what to eat on Black Friday that'll keep you fully fueled and ready to elbow the next person who tries to take that half-price hoverboard away from you and your loved ones.
Cold Turkey on Leftover Pumpkin Pie
Making yourself a turkey sandwich, made with leftovers and maybe a little bit of arugula or some other kind of leafy green, is a classic day-after Thanksgiving move. But on the morning of Black Friday, you don't have the time to toast bread, heat up the turkey and all the side dishes, and assemble the whole thing nicely into an Instagram-worthy feast of leftovers. Instead, take the best of all your leftovers and serve up slices of cold turkey on equally cold slices of leftover pumpkin pie. The sugar from the pumpkin will give you a quick boost of energy—nothing says Black Friday quite like a sugar high!—while the turkey will provide the protein and energy you need to last through the morning. Sweet and savory!
I.V. Drip of Coffee
It should go without saying that no one should be awake before 6 a.m. without a liter or two of coffee, lovingly strapped to their body. If you have the medical equipment readily available, consider jamming an I.V. needle into a vein on your left hand, so you can have a constant stream of caffeination as you make you way through the scrum of people fighting to get an Xbox or, like, a Furby.
Auntie Anne's Pretzel Dogs and an Extra-Large Jamba Juice
You're probably at the mall already, so might as well make the best use of what's around you. Consider rewarding your success at capitalism by spending more money at local establishments like Auntie Anne's and Jamba Juice.
Gas Station Packets of Sunflower Seeds
If you're running late and racing to get in line to wait, there's a non-zero chance your only opportunity to get breakfast is at the gas station. But there is no reason to be ashamed about that. Just pick up a packet of sunflower seeds like you're a trucker racing along the highways—and, if we’re being honest, those are probably the only other people on the road at this time of night. Sunflower seeds will give you fuel, and keep you from gritting your teeth. Plus, spitting the shells of the seeds is also a great way to mark your territory in line!
Energy Gel Packs
If you're going to be spending the night in a tent in front of the store, bring along a bunch of energy gel packs. This is a marathon, after all, so you might as well take a bunch of energy gel packs like an elite Kenyan runner. Sure, energy gel packs are not glamorous—or delicious—but they're functional, and when your mind's on your money and your money's on your mind, you don't have time to eat solid foods. Bonus points if you carry them all in a fanny pack.
So hey, there might be blood this Black Friday—but at least you won't go hungry!