Photo by Hoxton/Ryan Lees via Getty Images

Finally, a race we can finish

Tim Nelson
April 27, 2018

A few weeks ago, thousands of runners completed this year’s Boston Marathon, a notoriously difficult race held in weather that seemed exceedingly cruel even to hardened New Englanders. Great for them! But if running 26.2 miles in a driving rain doesn’t sound like your thing, an upcoming ‘0.5k’ near sunny San Antonio seems like the perfect excuse to get off the couch for once.

Sanctioned by “the Society for Lazy and Carefree Runners,” the Boerne 0.5K is less of a grueling 546-yard race and more of a (slightly) moving party. The course is bookended by brewpubs offering free pints to each competitor before the starting gun goes off and after they cross the finish line. For those that need to caffeinate, carb up, or shake off a hangover mid-race, there’s a crucial doughnuts and coffee station. It shares space with what may be the first ever “designated smoking area” to be located within a race course.

While this celebration of doughnuts and beer is clearly poking fun at the try-hards who wake up early to run actual races, the whole thing supports a worthwhile cause. The event will raise money for Blessing in a Backpack, an organization that provides food on weekends to elementary school students at risk of food insecurity.

Eager underachievers have already filled up all of the $25 entry slots, but you can still purchase a “Procrastinator’s Prize Pack” that includes a participation trophy, t-shirt, and coveted “0.5k” race sticker that’s perfect for trolling marathon-running motorists. For those dignified souls who believe actual “running” is beneath them, a VIP option that grants the opportunity to roll through the race in a restored 1963 VW bus was also available.

Don’t expect many world records to be broken once the Boerne 0.5k kicks off on May 5, unless it’s for “most doughnuts consumed while theoretically taking part in an athletic activity.” No matter where you finish, it’s at least a run worth posting about on social media for once.

You May Like