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Just a totally normal answer to a totally normal question

Tim Nelson
May 04, 2018

Mitt Romney is in the midst of a campaign for the Utah senate seat set to be vacated by Orrin Hatch. That means the ultra-rich venture capitalist, former governor of Massachusetts, and failed presidential candidate has to pretend to be human again.

So far, the Mormon android who once referenced “Who Let the Dogs Out?” to court African American voters has made headlines for wearing a crisp Utah Jazz  jersey (which he probably threw out before leaving the arena) over a dress shirt and taunting Russell Westbrook. Now he’s communicated his folksy food preferences tot he world..

“My favorite meat is hot dog, by the way,” Romney said during his most recent attempt to pass the Turing test. Originally reported by the Washington Examiner, a right-leaning rag that normally goes out of its way to make GOP figures seem more human, the quote is devoid of context other than that it took place at a “casual dinner organized by his campaign”. Evidently the 2018 model of Mitt Romney’s speech programming was a bit buggy that night.

Naturally, the Twitter commentariat seized on Romney’s gaffe:


So what is this mysterious hot dog meat? According to the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council, hot dog meat is “cooked and/or smoked sausages prepared from one or more kinds of muscle meat or poultry.” Additionally the Food and Agricultural Organization of America clarifies that this usually consists of “lower-grade muscle trimmings, fatty tissues, head meat, animal feet, animal skin, blood, liver and other edible slaughter by-products.” As a general rule of thumb, a hot dog is more enjoyable the less you dwell on its contents.

But if you’re worried that Mitt only enjoys the slop swept up off of the slaughterhouse floor, he’s got a backup meat in mind. “My second favorite meat is hamburger. And, everyone says, oh, don’t you prefer steak? It’s like, I know steaks are great, but I like hot dog best, and I like hamburger next best.” Hamburger, it should be known, is ground beef shaped into a patty. Of course, Romney could also be expressing his cannibalistic desire for the flesh of Hamburg, Germany’s residents.

Utah is the kind of blood-red state where a republican candidate could admit to eating roadkill and still win their general election by a comfortable margin. But at least now we know that if Mitt can be taken at his word (lol), the 70-year-old man worth hundreds of millions of dollars has both the communication style and eating habits of a second grader.


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